Have you been wondering how to deal with daddy issues in your relationship?
First things first, I am writing this from a personal perspective, and it’s solely hinged on my experience as a person.
While discussing with groups of people and friends, I discovered that this was actually a thing among ladies.
One very rude realization is that you might not even know you’re dealing with daddy issues.
That was what prompted me to write the blog post on how to know you have daddy issues.
Daddy issues arise from the absence of a father or father figure in a person’s life, either physically or emotionally and how it goes on to affect a person.
At this point, I am not just referring to women because you’d be surprised at how much this also affects men.
More often than men admit, they feel the emotional void and vacuum left by an unavailable father.
Although I am writing from a woman’s perspective, I am sure you’d make sense out of it if you’re a man reading this by chance.
So, to the main gist of this post, how can one deal with daddy issues in a relationship?
Before you address that, you need to do these two things:
1. Acknowledge It
Before I realized I had daddy issues, I told whoever cared to listen that the absence of my father in my life never affected me.
In all honesty, I thought I was fine and wasn’t affected by this.
My mantra was that you can’t miss what you never had.
However, I was proven wrong.
I didn’t have any negative feelings or any extremely negative thoughts about my father, but at the same time, I got to realize that the absence of that relationship made me act defensive.
I never let myself be vulnerable in relationships; I always wanted to be the one in control and never fully let myself trust anyone.
It was during a group conversation with some relationship experts and behavioral therapists that I first heard the term “daddy issues.”
I was intrigued and decided to do some research.
What I found out completely opened my eyes and made me realize that even though I didn’t have any conscious negative thoughts about my father, his absence had a profound impact on my life.
2. Understand The Daddy Issues You Have Been Struggling With
Not until that conversation I mentioned in the previous point came up, I never knew I had any issue that needed to be addressed.
Growing up, I never thought much about my relationship with my father.
He was absent for most of my life, and I never really had any strong emotions towards him.
However, as I got older and started to form romantic relationships, I noticed a pattern in myself – I always felt the need to be in control and never fully trusted anyone.
At first, it sounded like a cliché or a joke, but as they explained further, something inside me clicked.
Could this be what I’ve been struggling with all along?
I decided to do some research on this topic, and what I found out completely opened my eyes.
For you, you need to know how exactly this issue is manifesting in your life.
Growing up without a father figure can lead to feelings of abandonment and low self-esteem.
It can also cause trust issues and difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Without a positive male role model, it can be challenging to understand what a healthy relationship looks like or how to communicate effectively in one.
This lack of guidance can lead to emotional and behavioral patterns that may not serve you well in your adult life.
In my case, I realized that my need for control stemmed from deep-rooted insecurities and fear of being abandoned again.
I never wanted to rely on anyone else because I was afraid they would leave, just like my father did.
So, look within you and dig out how exactly your absent father has affected you so that you can deal with it squarely.
How To Deal With Daddy Issues In Your Relationship
After identifying the issue you’re dealing with, it’s important to take steps toward addressing and overcoming it, which is the main focus of this blog post.
You can do that through the following means:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in healing from the absence of a father figure is acknowledging your feelings about it.
This may include anger, sadness, resentment, or even numbness.
Whatever emotions you are experiencing, allow yourself to feel them without judgment.
This is quite different from admitting you have daddy issues.
It is simply acknowledging the impact that your absent father has had on you.
2. Seek Support
It can be difficult to chart a course through the effects of an absent father alone, especially if you have never had a positive father figure in your life.
It doesn’t have to be a therapist, although seeking professional help is always an option.
You can also seek support from family members, friends, or even online communities of individuals who have gone through similar experiences.
My friends are my support system, and this is because they are coming from an exposed and informed point of view.
They may not have the exact same experience as me, but their empathy and understanding help me feel less alone.
Surround yourself with people who will listen and validate your feelings rather than dismiss them or make you feel guilty for having them.
3. Challenge Negative Thoughts
One of the biggest hurdles to overcome when dealing with daddy issues is the negative thoughts and beliefs that may have formed from your past experiences.
You will be surprised that you might not have had these feelings before, but as you come to the realization that it is a problem, they start to creep in.
It’s essential to challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.
For example, if you find yourself thinking, “I am unlovable because my father left me,” remind yourself that your worth and value as a person are not defined by one person’s actions.
Once you have identified a negative thought, ask yourself if it is based on facts or just your perception.
Most of the time, these thoughts are not based on reality and are just a result of our past experiences.
Replace these negative thoughts with positive affirmations and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and happiness regardless of what happened in the past.
4. Take Care of Yourself
Make sure to prioritize self-care and take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
You might think it is not a big deal to address the issue of self-care, but it is very paramount to address it, especially when you’re actively dealing with it.
Engage in activities that bring you joy and make you feel good about yourself.
This could be anything from going for a walk in nature to indulging in your favorite hobbies or spending quality time with loved ones.
Practice self-compassion and give yourself permission to take breaks and rest when needed.
You don’t have to act like a superhuman when you’re breaking down inside.
Recognize your limits and take care of yourself accordingly.
5. Forgive When You’re Ready
Forgiveness is a personal journey and should not be rushed.
It is okay if you are not ready to forgive your absent father for the pain they have caused you.
However, holding onto anger and resentment will only continue to harm you in the long run.
One thing that has always helped me to process emotions is handling them from a rational point of view.
It doesn’t mean you’re shutting out the feelings or even making an excuse for their actions, but rather understanding that they are also human and make mistakes.
Sometimes, people act from a place of ignorance, and you have to give them that grace.
In all of these, just make sure you’re doing it at your own pace.
7. Focus on What You Have
It’s easy to get caught up in what you didn’t have growing up and how much it has impacted your love life because of your absent father.
But try to shift your mindset towards what you do have and the relationships that bring positivity into your life.
Maybe you have a strong bond with your mother or other family members who have stepped in as father figures.
Or perhaps you have great friends who support and uplift you.
Don’t discount the love and support that is already present in your life.
Focus on nurturing those relationships and building strong connections with people who genuinely care about you.
8. Create Your Own Definition of Fatherhood
Just because you didn’t have a present father in your life doesn’t mean they defined what fatherhood means to you.
Take the time to reflect on what qualities and traits make a good father in your eyes.
Is it patience, kindness, or the ability to provide for their family?
Create your own definition of fatherhood based on your experiences and values.
This will help you understand what you want in a father figure and how you want to show up as a parent or wife/mother in the future.