Learn to hold loosely on to that which is not of eternal value.
I lost my mum on 14th February 2024, and that seems like the greatest loss I have experienced in my life.
No, it doesn’t seem like it; it actually and factually is the greatest loss and pain I have felt in my existence.
I am not sure if I would have felt this way if I had not aced my bar finals in the year I took it.
This sense of helplessness and a form of resignation to fate and faith disguised as acceptance hits differently.
I honestly had no idea I would be writing so soon about my mum’s passing until I somehow lost all the files on my blog this morning.
Technically, if you’re reading this blog post, it is more of me pouring out my mind and how I feel about things at the moment rather than me writing something you can benefit from.
If my mum were here, I would have called her and probably been in emotional angst because of how much work was lost.
Somehow, I realize that the loss of my mum has brought me to be able to fully accept the fact that there’s nothing that cannot be lost here and now.
If it can be replaced, all is well and good.
If not, as my people will say, we meuve!
That’s just me saying that there is no room for me to sulk.
This is particularly so because I haven’t even been able to properly process the fact that my mum is not here with me again.
I can understand it as a statement of fact, but my emotions and psyche are quite far away from embracing that reality.
I have imagined various conversations with her about different subjects since her transition, and it only makes me smile at the near accuracy of the responses.
So, in addition to the fact that I am starting a new phase of my life without my mum, I am starting my blog afresh to embody all I really love and live for.
My mum has always been an advocate of me living my life to the fullest and I am not sure I will have time to sit back to sulk about all around me.
I don’t know how I am going to process all of this, but I am grateful for having a support system that is solidly behind me.
I am definitely dedicating a blog post to them along the line or even a blog post per person.
I have never had to deal with the loss of a loved one this close and personal, and somehow, I am convinced that I will be fine and it will be easier than I have ever imagined.
I have a painting pad to paint my pains in whatever shade it takes.
I have a blog to rant to.
I have a fresh blog to build.
Yeah, I have some weight to shed and even my hair to grow, which I will be documenting every journey here.
I have a job to keep, too, and businesses to manage.
I have so much to keep me occupied and through this, I won’t be leaving the memories and values of my mum behind.
As much as I am holding on to memories and moments because they are eternal, I still choose to live in the moment cheerfully and light-heartedly.
Yes, this is a fresh start without my mum physically, but virtually with me at every point.
When you come across this blog, know I write from my happy and grateful place because real happiness is from within me right now and not in the people I can see or not.
A major part of the people that mean so much to me are actually oceans away from me, and I guess nature has been preparing me for this moment.
I will write my heart out here and even beyond that, I will give you value for your every moment.
So, till the next blog post in whatever category, I remain yours truly,
