The truth nobody tells you about relationships is that it takes hard work to keep and maintain one.
So you see your favorite couple online all lovey-dovey, and somehow, you believe that the hugs and kisses on your screen keep their relationship.
They won’t tell you.
But I will.
Relationships are hard work.
It’s really hard work.
There’s no break time or national holidays in relationships–as long as you’re in it.
Every moment is an intentional one.
So, some months ago, I asked myself the question I should have asked many years ago: “What does it mean to have a great relationship?”
Does it mean I need to find a man who is rich, handsome, and caring?
A man who will always be here for me and respect me?
Is having a great relationship about having a partner who checks all the right boxes?
Then I got my answer.
A great relationship is a relationship where both partners are super intentional about the relationship and its well-being.
It means as much as I needed my partner to check those boxes, I also needed to check them.
So, I got to work, ready to improve my relationship.
Here are 5 things I did
5 Practical Things I Did to Improve My Relationship
1. Continuous Communication
I like to consider myself a loquacious person.
Because I like to talk.
As long as there’s a person to engage with, a person who brings the vibes, I can go on and on.
I used to look at quiet people and wonder how they used to manage their relationships because they always looked to me like people who do not possess the ability to talk.
Well, my man is the listener.
Very engaging and brings in all the vibes.
So I talked and talked.
So, imagine the shocker when I found out that communication in my relationship wasn’t great.
Hold my glass.
So I was talking–about people, experiences, this and that.
But I wasn’t really talking to my man about me, about him, and about us.
You couldn’t randomly ask my man, ” What’s your girl doing today?” and get a sharp response.
I wasn’t sharing those things.
We weren’t sharing those things.
When I discovered this, I had to call my man and we had a conversation about it.
Now, communication is very much on point in our relationship.
Every day is a new day to learn something new about each other.
Every day is a day to get into each other’s individual experiences.
I’ve found out so much more about my man in the space of a few months than I knew in all the while I’ve known him.
And I bet he can say the same about me.
2. Listening
Well, I should merge this with the communication aspect, because communication is all about talking and listening.
But I deliberately had to make it a separate subheading because listening is a whole lot in itself.
Do you know that I found out that my man was more on the quiet side because he felt like I wasn’t cut out to listen to him?
He thought I just wanted to talk.
Maybe he wasn’t too far from right.
Because I really never thought of the fact that he may want to talk.
I thought he was just content with hearing me talk.
Well, see what communication did for us.
It exposed all the ideas we had of each other in our minds that we never thought to share.
Look at how it makes our lives so much better.
So, being the talker in the relationship, I had to put so much intentionality into listening–actually listening to my man.
I didn’t just sit quietly while he talked, I asked him questions and made comments here and there to show that I both heard and felt him and his concerns.
And it’s through listening I found all that I did about him.
I had been with an amazing man, and I didn’t even know.
3. Conflict Resolution
If you’re in the group of people who would rather sweep things under the carpet than talk about it, gather here for a selfie.
Feel free to judge me if you will.
But for the longest time, there were several times that man did something to me that I didn’t like.
Rather than talk to him about it, I’ll just sweep it under the carpet.
See? It’s gone.
I can’t even see it again.
But it was always there.
Never went anywhere.
On the other hand, this man used to try to contact me concerning things that were not right in the relationship, but I’ll wave it off.
After a while, he gave up trying.
We really liked each other, but we were in a careful relationship.
Always trying very hard not to step on each other’s toes.
And that behavior stood between us and building a sustainable emotional connection.
We were just floating.
All these came to light when we communicated for real.
I think communication just sits at the base of every aspect of a great relationship.
We have come to realize that if we want to be truly in this relationship, we will have to step on each other’s toes.
So, we created our working conflict resolution mechanism.
Being in the face of conflict is hard, but I’m adjusting by the day and enjoying my relationship even more every time we resolve a conflict.
4. Expressing Gratitude
I am not an ingrate.
But you know those times when you become so used to a person that you even forget to appreciate them for the things they do for you?
It happened to me in my relationship.
You see, your partner is not forced to do things for you at gunpoint.
Every single thing they do for you is free will–including the ones you request for.
Yes, you both are responsible for and to each other, but what exactly will you do if they decide not to do anything for you?
The only thing you can do is leave the relationship or equally stop doing things for them.
My point is that gratitude should never be lacking in your relationship if you want it to be really good.
If you have the familiarity syndrome like me, you’ll need to be extra intentional about saying “thank you” every time someone does something for you.
I have learned to express appreciation for both the tiny little things and the big things that he does for me.
When I started, he wanted to hush me, but we both agreed to keep at it to remember not to take anything for granted.
5. Personal Growth and Self-Care
Do you know that if you are not okay your relationship cannot be okay?
It’s an unpopular opinion but a fact.
If you are not in good health and sound mind, your relationship will suffer it–directly or indirectly.
You have to be in the best state of mind and health to be able to give your best to the relationship.
As soon as I discovered this, I threw away my days of ignoring self-care.
I took my personal growth very personally.
I revived my professional ambition and went back to taking courses and doing applications.
I started a workout program that has successfully helped to keep me both physically and mentally fit.
I have started taking my me-time more seriously, reading books, and investing in things that make me a better person.
I even started skincare.
See me all glowing and shining.
And you need to see how all these have taken my relationship game up.
It’s amazing.
Truly, a healthy relationship is a game of two whole people.
I have just freely and elaborately shared with you five things I did to improve my relationship in the space of four months.
It’s amazing what consistency can do.
My relationship life just took a whole 360-degree turn.
Yours can, too.
The question is: are you ready?
Yele